Accidental non-inclusive dialog can happen from the very beginning of our client interactions. As often is the case, a woman is initiating the inquiries. Even at that first contact, if you hear what sounds like a female voice or name, instead of asking “what is the groom’s name?”, try asking, “what is your partner’s or significant other’s name?”. This instantly lets the couple know that you are accepting of all couples!

It is perfectly acceptable to ask respectfully, what pronouns each prefer to be addressed by. Take a moment and think of how often as officiants we automatically say, “Bride & Groom”. It is perfectly fine if that fits the couple. Many women do not resonate with the term “bride” at all. Turn your initial questions and replies to a more neutral approach at least until you know their preference.

Be sure to ask your couple, how they prefer to be addressed at the end of the ceremony, not just what name to use at their pronouncement, but whether they even want to be called bride or groom, spouse, or partners.  This can change according to each individual’s identity, gender expression.  Transitioning individuals may be at any part of their process at the time that they decide to get married. Again, this is a time of transition.

Use the terminology and pronoun preference, as they are going to be at the end of their transition process. Do not be afraid to ask the individual direct questions about their gender pronouns, and how they prefer to be addressed, name and otherwise. Your couples will appreciate the respect that you took the time to ask, rather than assume.  With transitioning individuals, you will need to discuss the legal aspect and timeframe of how their names should be signed. This will be according to if they have their name already altered to match their completed transition identity.  This may affect the paperwork.  But in the ceremony, you can address them in their preference, regardless of what their driver’s license says at the moment if your law allows you to do so.